Best of Wife's....
=============================================================================================
Think Before Marriage...
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What?… Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
=============================================================================================
Reasons...
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession…even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”
=============================================================================================
Fighting...
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, “We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week.”
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, “It’s not all my fault either; she’s tough to get along with.”
=============================================================================================
Betty Crocker...
This woman goes to her husband.
“The car has a flat tire” she told him.
“Does it look like I have ‘firestone’ written on my head?” he replied.
“Ugh” she walked outta the room.
The next day when her husband walked in from work she said.
“The dish washer down.” She told him.
“Does it look like I have ‘whirlpool’ written on my forehead?”
“Ugh”
The next her husband came home and asked her.
“How did u get this stuff done?”
“The guy next door told me he’d fix them if I gave him a blow job or if I baked him a cake.”
“Oh what kinda cake did ya bake him?” he asked her.
“Does it look like I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”
=============================================================================================
Selected Earlier...
Husband: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?
Wife: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.
Husband: Will you let him drive my car?
Wife: Well, I think so.
Husband: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?
Wife: Maybe.
Husband: Will you let him have my gold watch?
Wife: Maybe.
Husband: Will you let him wear my nice suits?
Wife: No, he is shorter.
=============================================================================================
Good Husband...
Through a scheduling mix up, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It’s late, the train is full, and everyone else is already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea … let’s pretend we’re married.”
“Why not,” giggles the woman.
“Good,” he replies. “Get your own blanket.”
=============================================================================================
WWW...
You know why Women starts with “W”
Because all Questions start with “W”
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
Wife..?
=============================================================================================
Logic...
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: “Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labor; hence
The child should be in my custody. ”
The judge turned to the husband and said: “What do you have to Say in your defense?”
The man sat for a while contemplating…then slowly rose. “Your Honor… If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out…
Whose Pepsi is it….. The machine’s or mine?”
=============================================================================================
Husband's Repay to WIFE...
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the
doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”
My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
=============================================================================================
How to make a Husband and wife happy ?
To make a wife happy ….. A husband only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A HUSBAND HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone......
No comments:
Post a Comment